remember that night you got wasted at the beach and you called me beautiful? or that time you told me you hated seeing me sad? and when you said I made your heart happy…I was so sure I had you. maybe I did for a little while at least. I know you cared and I also know you no longer do, while I’m sacrificing everything for you. I drove to you, gave up my friends, even lost some along the way. In the end distance is there for a reason, and it is not always meant to be conquered. How easily I could get up tomorrow and find you somewhere in that little town that kills me to be in now. I see it so differently than I did when I first moved there. Winter’s breeze is almost as good as killing me because all I craved was your warmth like you gave me that first night in the dark. Jesus Christ, the smell of your car is the winner, it’s like home, and love and everything good that we had sitting in the air between us, lingering on my skin and my clothes. The night we said goodbye, my shirt was like you were lying with me, the very couch I slept on the night we met. How different my level of comfort was between those two nights. I just realized I haven’t slept well since I met you. Whether it be from excessive joy or abundant sadness, you’ve kept my mind going for months at a time. I let people affect me so easily, too easily. You probably sleep nice at night knowing you no longer have the responsibility of making me smile, blush nor laugh. I feel sick to my stomach praying subconsciously that you’ll just take it all back. But I gave you my all (almost) and I have nothing left to give you. You’re a taker, not a giver and I’m a lover, not a fighter. We made fire between us those first few months, God you used to want me so bad, it felt nice. This last month you drove me mad, anything you said was like a stab rather than a kiss, and either way I accepted it. When you went to see her I think I knew you were unhappy with what I’d put forth. Why would you go looking somewhere else? I’m sorry I kissed a boy before we ever really talked about the end, although it’d been over for weeks. You’ll never know I suppose. I’ll never see you again and I accept that with a heavy heart. It comes in waves. The sadness. Tears have run dry, so now I just sigh. I barely have any anger because I’m consumed by sadness and hurt. I care so much about you. It hurts to say your name like poison in my mouth. I can’t be here any longer, this town has my ghosts captive and if I don’t leave soon I will become one too. I’ve come this far to fall again. I’m horribly sad that so many expectations have drowned with each late night, waiting for words that never came. I;ve gone insane. My hands shake and no one understands the love I held behind closed lips for you. Your kiss doesn’t compare to anyone darling.
I feel as if at some point you were traded out for another boy. That this whole thing was a dream. And I don’t want to wake up. Aching for you will never get old. I really did love you, you know. Please tell me you know that. And I don’t ever want to forget a single thing you said to me, but I can feel it all fading from my memory like I am from your life. Sleep tight, the sun will still rise in the morning.